Sunday, April 17, 2011

There is no place like home.

Staying with other people is the shit. And not having a car is the next shit. Decisions are the hardest thing one could ever make. One like me, especially. I'm so bloody indecisive I don't know if I should stay here or go back to where I belong, my home.

I miss the feeling of being at home so terribly much. I miss the feeling of a family, having meals at the dining table together. I miss the feeling of my parents or my brother, having heart to heart talk with me. I miss home. I miss home so much.

At times when I just couldn't stand it, I'd say "I wanna go home." But then someone else would just say to me "You can't just stay in your comfort zone forever." True. There are so many paths for me to take but being the indecisive me, just don't know which one to. So as usual, it's the easy way out. I just quit thinking.

First option, go back to Ipoh, manage a boutique with my mom. Easy job isn't it? Next, go for airline interviews and work as a cabin crew but before that, break up with my boyfriend. And lastly, continue to stay here which I would never feel like home and cry every once in awhile. Pathetic huh?

And while most boyfriends would love to spend time with their girlfriends for at least one day a week, mine doesn't think so. I told him I wanna go out with him and he asked "Where can we go at 10 in the morning? I work 6 days a week so I'm only free on Sundays. Why can't you just let me do what I really like to do?" I was speechless. Because then I realized, that spending time with me, isn't what he wants to do most.

As much as I wanna go out on my own, to breathe and to think about everything, I couldn't. Can't tell why but I just couldn't. So all I can do is just sulk and weep like a baby inside the room, where nobody gives a shit about me.

Sucks to be me, no?