New Blog. Again.

Every now and then, I often wish i could turn back time and change things that i regret doing. I do shit. I regret. I avoid. I make a fresh start. And then it starts all over again. It's like a cycle. I don't know about others but sometimes, most of the time in fact, i feel like shit happens more than the good things do. They just keep coming don't they? Or is it just me?

The past few months have been crazy. I took up a FA (flight attendant) course in KL. I've done 2months of the course. Outta 3 that is. And heck! I'd never expect things to go topsy-turvy. I was totally taken aback. Aren't there anything i can actually do well in? I mean. Even if this course i took, what happened in there, it wasn't even my fault. But really, isn't there anything GOOD that i can actually experience? It's making it harder to walk this life. And what was my objective taking up the course again? Yeap. To make life easier. Hell i wish it really does. But no. Gave me hell.

And then i'm back in Ipoh. I fainted a couple of times. I actually thought i was gonna die or something cuz i have not fainted in my entire life and after the few times i did, it was scary. I don't know if it's the same for everyone else but for me, it was as if i was gonna stop breathing. I was gasping for air. Sitting there in the dining room at home, having lunch with daddy, after a spoon or two, my breathing got worse. If it was like before, the whole month where my breathing started getting abit difficult (even just sitting down doing nothing), i'd just suck it up and not tell daddy. But that day was different. I couldn't breathe at all. So i look at daddy and said "Daddy, i can't breathe." Daddy freaked out as he look up at my pale paper-white face. He helped me to the couch and after laying down, i was abit alright.

Anyways, doctor said it might be caused by anxiety. Too stressful. Too much pressure. Or trauma. I went for a blood test and it shows that i'm fine. Just that my blood pressure is abit low. And i need jabs for Hep B cuz my antibody's zero. Now i know why i always fall sick =.=

This 2 weeks since i came back, cuz of the fainting thingy, i barely speak to anyone, answer calls or reply texts. I have no idea why. But all of a sudden, from someone who hates being alone, i actually wanted to spend time with no one but me. I enjoyed my time alone in my room. I feel peaceful. So peaceful that i don't wanna go anywhere anymore. And i realize that life is SO MUCH EASIER when i'm home with daddy and mommy T_T

Apart from that, despite the calls and texts that i never replied, there's this one guy that i've talked to for the whole week every single day. It's ironic how sudden he just came into the picture when all i ever wanna be is just alone. But i thank God he did. Because i've fallen for him. I wonder why i never bother about his existence before this. I wonder why i never notice him at all before this. And when i thought it was too late, he did something for my sake. Just to be with me. I'm glad he came into my life. Thank you, baby! I can't wait to spend time with you! :)

Right now, all i wanna do is just quit thinking. I'm tired. I'm beat. I need a rest. From everything and everyone. Guess that's why i'm back at my crib. 'There is no place like home.' Very true :)

"Time flies. Things happen. Life goes on."