I can't even beat a car. I'm a loser. Dammit.

My heart feels like it's gonna explode. I need to chill, to relax and breathe. And when I say breathe, I mean sucking in oxygen like tomorrow's my last day on earth. The feeling is so torturing. It's indescribable. It's nuts. I feel like I'm going crazy soon.

I am jealous. I am effing jealous. I AM FUCKING JEALOUS OF HIS ATTENTION FOR CARS!!! YES MOTHERFUCKER I AM SO PISSED THAT WHEN I SEE CARS ON THE ROAD I WANNA USE A 20CENTS COIN AND FUCKING DRAW A TORTOISE OR WHATEVER ON IT! THAT'S HOW MUCH I MOTHER-EFFINGLY HATE CARS!!! 

Dammit. If only I could shout that out loud. It is killing me. Eating me up inside out. You must be thinking 

"LOL. SERIOUSLY? THIS GIRL MUST BE NUTS. SHE'S JEALOUS CUZ HER BF GAVE MORE ATTENTION ON CARS."

Well if that's what you're thinking then SCREW YOU. You have got no flippin idea how much attention he has for cars dammit. You have no flippin idea how it feels when he ignores me when I'm fricken talking to him cuz why? HE WAS READING SOMEONE ELSE'S BLOG. A CAR DETAILER'S BLOG.

Godddd!

He doesn't even fricken read MY BLOG AND I'M HIS GIRLFRIEND DAMMIT. "BABY DO YOU REMEMBER ME?? HUH?!?? DO YOU REALIZE I'M HERE?? DO YOU?!!!" Oh he does, only when I ask if he's even reading my blog. Then he reads. AND WOW HE ONLY READS HALF OF IT. WELL MY BLOG MUST BE BORING HIM TO DEATH, EH?!

And I bet he wouldn't even know how angry I am now because HE DOESN'T FUCKIN READ MY BLOG!!! DAMMIT.

So when he ignored me, I tried to calm down, telling myself I should be an understanding gf. So I was texting with a friend. And he called, so we talked. YES IT'S A GUY SO WHAT?! DEFINITELY BETTER THAN HIM IGNORING ME RIGHT?!! *breathing hard* And guess what he got jealous cuz I was on the phone with my friend. GREAT!

I feel I hold no position in his heart at all. Okay I do. But it isn't gonna be first or second. NEVER GONNA BE. Cuz I can't beat his passion for cars. I'm a goddamn loser. FTW.

Lemme tell you my ranking in his heart.

1] Detailing cars.

2] Buying detailing stuff for cars.

3] Taking care and doing research about detailing cars.

4] ME. THE MOTHERFUCKINGLY FUGLY GF.

Well at least I'm in the top 5 list. WOOHOO! T______________________T

Who am I to you, really? Oh well. I bet you can't answer me that you never read my blog anyways. You know nothing about what I've written here and you only read it when I ask you to. You know nothing about me. Nothing.

And someday I'ma ask you who's your gf and you'll probably tell me something like "Caldina laa. Lol. What silly question."

Oh fuck. *bangs head & die*